Wednesday, January 4, 2012

7 ways to deal with not snowboarding

How to deal with not snowboarding

Injuries suck

Something has happened. For some reason you aren’t riding right now and you may not be riding for sometime. Somewhere in your mind there are plans to go somewhere but you don’t know how to make it happen. Cold sweats, nausea and loss of sense of humor follow. Its a pretty hateful state of being. Those of you smugly sitting out in the mountains reading this are welcome to jog on and go enjoy it. There are lots of reasons why we might be here: injury, illness, money, career, visas, responsibilities... For the last four winters I’ve done seasons out in the US and now due to events beyond my control I am at home in windy, rainy England, sucking a lemon. This being the “Holiday Season” has made not snowboarding very difficult. As well as missing the snow and the mountains I’m missing my winter family, PBR (substitute Mützig) and crab and fondue for Christmas.

So here I have compiled some hopefully helpful advice to those of you who may be in a similar situation. Feel free to take or leave any of it:

1. Don’t watch the videos

With every other ripper (and punter) having a Go Pro there are an almost endless supply of short edits out there. Don’t watch them! Its so easy to get yourself worked up into a seething heap of jealous angst by seeing some crew tearing up the park/pow at your favorite mountain. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. You’ll get amped only to look out the window and realize you won’t be able to channel that energy into having fun on your snowboard. Thoughts of where that pent up energy and frustration might go while watching said videos lead me down a disturbing path. Snow porn isn’t actual porn!

If you must watch videos watch the superpros in highly polished videos. Or the X games. They’re doing things which are insane in amazing locations but you won’t feel the need to emulate as much as watching someone do a super fun park run.

2. Don’t check the snow report

You need to get into the habit of not caring if it snows or not where your friends are. Its great for them but it will drive you up the wall. If it dumps six feet (two meters) then you will feel just as bad as if you were there but had to work in a room with one tiny window and could only listen to the yelps of joy floating in from outside. If there is no snow then you will become a smug dick while you lie through grinning teeth, handing out your false sympathy. You are far better off checking something that could make a difference to your life. The lottery numbers for example.

3. You cannot avoid Facebook

Well you can, but what I mean is that if you use it then you will be forced to see what a great time everyone else is having. There is no simple way around this one although I’m sure someone will tell me that I can change my settings and put the blinkers on. The only way to deal with it is to push through with jaw firmly locked into a grimace and *bleep* over the bits you don’t want to see.

4. Do the family thing

Its not often that you’re at home for the holidays so enjoy doing all those trad things you’d forgotten about. See your relatives at Christmas. Eat brussle sprouts and Christmas pud. Enjoy the drunk uncle and talk to your grandparents. Go to the pub with your mates from school who aren’t normally around and drink Yorkshire Tea.

5. Go to a dome

This one is harder if you are injured but otherwise it is well worth it. You don’t even have to go on a freestyle night. An hour on a recreational day when you haven’t ridden for six months feels AMAZING! If you don’t have any money then see if you can convince someone who calls it ‘boarding’ to take you, perhaps in exchange for a lesson? It just gives you the chance to feel the board under your feet, butter about a bit and feel the wind in your face. Like methadone (apparently).

After the dome you will almost certainly let your half formed mushy plans to get somewhere at some point in the winter form into a shiny, snow covered glitter ball of wondrousness. At this point I would stress that I do not recommend getting into debt to finance your trip. If you have rainy day money then this is your rainy day.

6. Don’t Get Hurt!

You have booked your trip! Whether its a weekend in Andorra or bumming the rest of the season do not get overexcited and do yourself damage! I am a clumsy fool and sprained ankles seem to pop up from everywhere. Wrap yourself in cotton wool, lock up your skateboard, don’t punch any bouncers. Try to limit your movements to between your bed and your exercise bike (well, you need to stay in shape right?)

7. Watch the Videos

You’re going Snowboarding! Get amped! Take point 1. and flip-reverse it! Watch all the videos you have stockpiled in your bookmarks! Re-watch them paying special attention to how you can do that trick better and how you are going to spray all those people with snow and destroy the mountain!
Get back in the game...

By Kenji Lim

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